Does This Sound Like You?

Discovering you belong to a minority sexual orientation, of Asexuality, (a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction to any gender), can be both freeing and scary, as well as damn right lonely. You have to shed the previous version of who society thought you should be and start living who you truly are. But in a highly sexualised world, it can be so difficult to navigate just how to do that. You feel lost, alone, disconnected, and like no one understands you… and that in turn leads to a feeling of sadness, unhappiness, and despair. It feels like it’s not okay to be you, and there must be something wrong with you. But there isn’t …

Feeling unhappy and sad

If You Ignore The Feeling Of Isolation, Of Disconnection, Of Loneliness, And Sadness, It Just Gets Worse!

What most people do when feeling lonely, isolated, disconnected, and sad, they talk to their friends, their family, their loved ones, a therapist, or a medical professional. But for most asexuals, there are 5 main reasons, none of that usually works.

Many families don’t accept asexuality is real. Those that do accept it don’t fully understand it. (So you’re still left feeling lonely and misunderstood.)
Friends will often dismiss it, saying you just haven’t found the right person for you yet. (Making you feel misunderstood and invalidated.) Some friends will even feel so uncomfortable, that they change the subject. (And then you feel you can’t be yourself.)
Loved ones may not even know you are asexual. They may be really hard to approach. It could cause confrontation. Those who do accept asexuality, and have an understanding towards you, still don’t fully understand asexuality, itself. (So you feel disconnected, alone, and miserable.)
Some therapists don’t accept asexuality and give really bad advice. They won’t even entertain the idea of asexuality, or encourage you to be yourself. Those who do accept it still don’t fully understand it. (So you know no matter what you say, they’ll never really get you. And the loneliness and pain just continues to build, as you’re deeply misunderstood.)
Many medical professionals still don’t accept asexuality is real. They think there’s something wrong with your hormones, or your genitalia, or that it’s a result of trauma. Those who do accept it, still usually look at it with a clinical mind. So when you’re talking about your asexuality, they just sit there in deadly silence, and it’s that silence that says it all… (So you continue to feel isolated and in emotional pain.)

If You Do Nothing, You reach Breaking Point!

Does this sound familiar?

You’ve discovered you’re asexual and you’re overjoyed at the fact you’re not alone, but when you initially get all excited about it, that soon wears off, and you are left thinking about how much people go on about sex in the world… How wonderful sex is… How you must have sex in order to have a loving, happy, and healthy relationship… And you’re scared how people will react when you tell them your news…

Or, you discover you’re asexual, and you don’t feel overjoyed, you feel sad. Sad you will never be able to have a “proper” relationship like everyone else… or so you are lead to believe. You are panicking and feel like you are having an identity crisis, as you are no longer who everyone else, even maybe yourself, thought you were… hetero, or something else… sexual. You struggle to know where exactly you do fit into society any more. No one will understand this new you. It’s hard for you to even understand it yourself. And what on earth is the Asexual Spectrum? Aren’t all asexuals… well… asexual? Where do you fall on the spectrum? What is the asexuality spectrum? Where do you find people like you? How do you navigate this world, knowing what you now know about yourself?… You just don’t know anymore and you feel like there is no hope… You want to get help. But you have exhausted every other method… except one! You found me… Your Asexuality Coach, Sandra Bellamy.

My expertise lies in helping asexuals to become comfortable and confident with their asexuality and their life as an asexual person, in a highly sexualised world. Giving asexuals the tools, resources, and confidence, to not just survive, but to truly thrive and flourish in the highly sexualised world we live in.

So if you’re looking for an asexual coach or asexuality coach, someone who can help you to gain clarity and confidence with your asexuality, friendships, dating and relationships, I’m that person.

But… I am not one of those people who just talks about asexuality, without being asexual, and/or, who just give textbook definitions of it. I am asexual myself. I educate about asexuality in real life contexts, through sharing my own asexual life journey, in order to help you in yours, on my Asexualise My Asexualise Life, Asexual YouTube daily chat show. Some call me an asexual activist, I like to call myself an asexual ambassador, or an asexuality ambassador.

I discovered my asexuality in March 2014. I would like to say it was a joyous experience… And to actually discover there are people like me, was just an incredible feeling like no other. And I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life. It felt so freeing, so relieving, so amazing. To discover I am not the only one, who wants, and is able to, live a happy life without sex. And there are others like me, who do desire a romantic relationship, without sex ever. But… I had to endure a ‘professionally’ qualified counsellor, telling me, I would “have to have sex in order to keep a good guy”, if I wanted to be in a romantic relationship. I went home very distraught and upset, even a bit angry… how could that be a good guy if he would require me to do something I didn’t want to do, in order to keep him and his love. How is that loving? How is that right?… That is like a license for rape… I was disgusted. I went home and Googled ‘I love kissing but not sex’, and that is how I discovered asexuality. I was no longer the only one in the entire world, planet and universe, who feels this way. There are others like me, and I was no longer alone, and feeling like an alien in this world, who didn’t belong. I was so happy!

You can view my personal story of how I discovered I am asexual in the video below, or here https://youtu.be/OQ6pZDwW-Yc

At that time, I had no idea I would go on to help asexuals all over the globe and across the asexual spectrum, to be comfortable and confident with their asexuality, and to educate others.

I had no idea I would:

Hold in person asexual meetups in my city – In January 2015, I held my first ever asexual meetup.
On October 15th 2015, for Asexual Awareness Week, I officially launched my Asexualise My Asexual Life channel. (Don’t forget to subscribe.)
Which in July 2018, turned into a daily asexual live stream, and interactive chat show for asexuals.
July 2018, was also the same month I was an asexual speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference. It was on 8th July, 2018, in London, to be precise.

And that same day was when I first officially launched my Asexualise Academy. Which is the World’s First Online Training Centre And School For Asexuals And Asexuality.

I have been featured on BBC Radio twice: With Graham Torrington, who used to do the famous “Late Night Love” show, and with Jeremy Vine, on the Jeremy Vine Show.

In the Daily Mirror, Daily Mail, and Femedic. As well as New Inceptions, Freestyle Your Life, and Straight Up Gay, Podcasts.

I was also interviewed about asexuality for a sexuality show with Sex Coach Diane, in this video below. Or you can watch it here https://youtu.be/OBBvHyR2QKw

You don’t have to do this alone!

If you are fed up with feeling lost, alone, and in despair, and you want someone who is asexual, who will understand you, and help you to break free of the societal chains that have been enslaving you for so long…

Look no further. I am the Asexual Coach you’ve been looking for all your life… but never knew it.

Sandra Bellamy is an Asexual Coach.

Specialising in all aspects of asexuality:

Dating.

Forming healthy relationships – With both Asexuals and Allosexuals.

Building lasting friendships.

Life: Navigating, and thriving, in the highly sexualised world we live in.

Helping Asexuals to:

Understand the asexual spectrum and help them to identify where they fit within it.
Come to terms with their asexuality and how this impacts their life.
Become confident and comfortable with their asexuality. Give you the tools you need to be strong, so it doesn’t matter what others say.
Feel supported when coming out to family, friends and others. Discover effective ways of doing this that make it less daunting.

Learn ways to effectively cope in this highly sexualised world.
Better understand relationships and dating and how they work. And what that will look like personally for you.
What you can do to develop and grow yourself, so you are better able to handle a relationship, either with another asexual or an allosexual.
Understand what a sexual relationship would look like, and how that would work for you as an asexual if you wanted to be with an allosexual who wants sex. Exploring body, mind, and soul preparation, and creating an action plan, so you feel more confident about this.
Learn how to effectively communicate with a partner or potential partner, to ensure boundaries and needs are met with each other.
Learn how to negotiate sexual and asexuals needs with a partner or potential partner, without blaming the other, and to respect each other’s identities.
Learn how to comprise in relationships, without compromising who you are as a person.
Understand how an asexual could have sex in a relationship if they wanted to, while still having boundaries that make you feel safe.
Understand how a sexual could refrain from having sex in a relationship, monogamous or otherwise. And how that would work for them.
Explore other sexual acts you could do besides intercourse, that you might enjoy, in an asexual/allosexual relationship.
Explore different forms of intimacy to ensure your needs are met in an asexual/allosexual relationship.
In cases of asexual with allosexual relationship, coaching you both/all together can be more effective. So I can see the dynamic of how you work together and take into account each other’s needs when helping you. If you prefer coaching one-to-one only, I completely understand and I am here for you.
Learn how to deal with rejection more effectively so you are not stuck on one person who may be toxic for you.
Recognising when it’s time to call it quits on a relationship or potential relationship, after every other avenue has been explored.

How to effectively manage anxiety so you can quickly recover.
Learn how to reduce depression or free yourself from it forever.
How to make progress in your life, despite your mental health difficulties. Learn ways and techniques, how to manage those more effectively.
Learn how to come to terms with autism (if you have it) and how you could still be in a relationship if you are autistic.
How to effectively communicate with a partner or potential partner if you are autistic or on the autistic spectrum.
How to have a relationship, with a disability. (I have fibromyalgia, so I know how hard it is to be physically close if you are in pain. Let’s explore what could work well for you and them.)

(Allosexuals = those who are not asexual.)

What qualifies me to be an Asexual Coach?

I am Asexual.
I’m a best-selling Author Of 2 asexual books.
I’ve been featured in a variety of media about asexuality, including on BBC Radio, Lifeology Radio, and Live with The Famous Dr.AL.
I was in heterosexual relationships for half my life – and had sex.
I am currently on both asexual and traditional “allosexual” dating sites/groups. I have first hand experience of what you are going through.
I am the world’s #1 Dating and Confidence Coach Matthew Hussey’s Love Life Club, learning from the best to be the best.
I have been coaching asexuals on my Asexualise channel since 2015.
I run 6 asexual groups on Facebook, including 3 for dating and 1 for making asexual friends.
12 years of personal and professional development training, from some of the world’s greatest thought-leaders.
Completed a weekend Life Coaching course with the Coaching Academy. Learnt the basics of NLP as part of that weekend and used it to change my life.
Got a certificate in Basic Counselling Skills at Exeter College.
Have taken courses to grow and develop my own life skills. And always continuously doing so.

Greatness is surrounding yourself with great people

Ever had counselling or therapy from someone who doesn’t have experience of what they are talking about and they make you feel worse? I know I have.

They may have a piece of paper to their name. But they don’t have the life experience to go with it. They read from textbooks, and try to fit you into a box, that just doesn’t work! I have been there and done that. And it made my anxiety worse. I felt myself tipping back into depression which I thankfully freed myself of 2012. It became that bad, I had to walk away.

You heard my story, about how I found out I am asexual. When a counsellor told me that I had to have sex in order to keep a good guy. I was horrified. Went home. Google I love kissing but not sex, and here I am, 6 years later. Helping other asexuals, with their dating, relationships, friendships, and life. Helping those with asexual partners and relations, to understand them better.

My mission is to get asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation throughout the globe, so that the stigma of those not experiencing sexual attraction, is dropped, and no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again. Also for asexuals and allosexuals to understand each other better, to create more deep and harmonious relationships with each other.

Counsellors have their place and so do coaches who just have a piece of paper to their name. But I believe the coaches that make the long-lasting and effective changes for their clients, are the ones who have experienced what their clients are going through and can help them with their first-hand experience because they already know what works and doesn’t work.

My coaching technique is modern, using both exploratory questions and giving advice and guidance that you can put into action immediately, to start seeing the results you need.

I charge £80 an hour for a one-to-one session over Zoom, including my prep time, and you will be required to fill in a set of questions in order for me to understand you and your situation, and help you in the best possible way.

Some people may only need one coaching session, but usually you should expect to be having coaching ongoing for 3-6 months, especially if you are in a mixed orientation relationship and that is the major problem for you. Like anything in life. You get out what you put in. If you don’t put in the time, money, energy and effort, that says a lot about how much you really want to solve the problem. If you keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting the same results. So if you want true life change, hire me as your Asexual Coach right now. Message me to see if we would be a great fit to work together using the contact form on the Home page or email me at asexualise@gmail.com

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Does This Sound Like You?

If You Ignore The Feeling Of Isolation, Of Disconnection, Of Loneliness, And Sadness, It Just Gets Worse!

What most people do when feeling lonely, isolated, disconnected, and sad, they talk to their friends, their family, their loved ones, a therapist, or a medical professional. But for most asexuals, there are 5 main reasons, none of that usually works.

Many families don’t accept asexuality is real. Those that do accept it don’t fully understand it. (So you’re still left feeling lonely and misunderstood.)

Friends will often dismiss it, saying you just haven’t found the right person for you yet. (Making you feel misunderstood and invalidated.) Some friends will even feel so uncomfortable, that they change the subject. (And then you feel you can’t be yourself.)

Loved ones may not even know you are asexual. They may be really hard to approach. It could cause confrontation. Those who do accept asexuality, and have an understanding towards you, still don’t fully understand asexuality, itself. (So you feel disconnected, alone, and miserable.)

If You Do Nothing, You reach Breaking Point!

Does this sound familiar?

So if you’re looking for an asexual coach or asexuality coach, someone who can help you to gain clarity and confidence with your asexuality, friendships, dating and relationships, I’m that person.

You can view my personal story of how I discovered I am asexual in the video below, or here https://youtu.be/OQ6pZDwW-Yc

At that time, I had no idea I would go on to help asexuals all over the globe and across the asexual spectrum, to be comfortable and confident with their asexuality, and to educate others.

I had no idea I would:

Hold in person asexual meetups in my city – In January 2015, I held my first ever asexual meetup.

On October 15th 2015, for Asexual Awareness Week, I officially launched my Asexualise My Asexual Life channel. (Don’t forget to subscribe.)

Which in July 2018, turned into a daily asexual live stream, and interactive chat show for asexuals.

July 2018, was also the same month I was an asexual speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference. It was on 8th July, 2018, in London, to be precise.

And that same day was when I first officially launched my Asexualise Academy. Which is the World’s First Online Training Centre And School For Asexuals And Asexuality.

I have been featured on BBC Radio twice: With Graham Torrington, who used to do the famous “Late Night Love” show, and with Jeremy Vine, on the Jeremy Vine Show.

In the Daily Mirror, Daily Mail, and Femedic. As well as New Inceptions, Freestyle Your Life, and Straight Up Gay, Podcasts.

I was also interviewed about asexuality for a sexuality show with Sex Coach Diane, in this video below. Or you can watch it here https://youtu.be/OBBvHyR2QKw

You don’t have to do this alone!

If you are fed up with feeling lost, alone, and in despair, and you want someone who is asexual, who will understand you, and help you to break free of the societal chains that have been enslaving you for so long…

Look no further. I am the Asexual Coach you’ve been looking for all your life… but never knew it.

Sandra Bellamy is an Asexual Coach.

Specialising in all aspects of asexuality:

Dating.

Forming healthy relationships – With both Asexuals and Allosexuals.

Building lasting friendships.

Life: Navigating, and thriving, in the highly sexualised world we live in.

Helping Asexuals to:

Understand the asexual spectrum and help them to identify where they fit within it.

Come to terms with their asexuality and how this impacts their life.

Become confident and comfortable with their asexuality. Give you the tools you need to be strong, so it doesn’t matter what others say.

Feel supported when coming out to family, friends and others. Discover effective ways of doing this that make it less daunting.

Learn ways to effectively cope in this highly sexualised world.

Better understand relationships and dating and how they work. And what that will look like personally for you.

What you can do to develop and grow yourself, so you are better able to handle a relationship, either with another asexual or an allosexual.

Understand what a sexual relationship would look like, and how that would work for you as an asexual if you wanted to be with an allosexual who wants sex. Exploring body, mind, and soul preparation, and creating an action plan, so you feel more confident about this.

Learn how to effectively communicate with a partner or potential partner, to ensure boundaries and needs are met with each other.

Learn how to negotiate sexual and asexuals needs with a partner or potential partner, without blaming the other, and to respect each other’s identities.

Learn how to comprise in relationships, without compromising who you are as a person.

Understand how an asexual could have sex in a relationship if they wanted to, while still having boundaries that make you feel safe.

Understand how a sexual could refrain from having sex in a relationship, monogamous or otherwise. And how that would work for them.

Explore other sexual acts you could do besides intercourse, that you might enjoy, in an asexual/allosexual relationship.

Explore different forms of intimacy to ensure your needs are met in an asexual/allosexual relationship.

Learn how to deal with rejection more effectively so you are not stuck on one person who may be toxic for you.

Recognising when it’s time to call it quits on a relationship or potential relationship, after every other avenue has been explored.

How to effectively manage anxiety so you can quickly recover.

Learn how to reduce depression or free yourself from it forever.

How to make progress in your life, despite your mental health difficulties. Learn ways and techniques, how to manage those more effectively.

Learn how to come to terms with autism (if you have it) and how you could still be in a relationship if you are autistic.

How to effectively communicate with a partner or potential partner if you are autistic or on the autistic spectrum.

How to have a relationship, with a disability. (I have fibromyalgia, so I know how hard it is to be physically close if you are in pain. Let’s explore what could work well for you and them.)

(Allosexuals = those who are not asexual.)

What qualifies me to be an Asexual Coach?

I am Asexual.

I’m a best-selling Author Of 2 asexual books.

I’ve been featured in a variety of media about asexuality, including on BBC Radio, Lifeology Radio, and Live with The Famous Dr.AL.

I was in heterosexual relationships for half my life – and had sex.

I am currently on both asexual and traditional “allosexual” dating sites/groups. I have first hand experience of what you are going through.

I am the world’s #1 Dating and Confidence Coach Matthew Hussey’s Love Life Club, learning from the best to be the best.

I have been coaching asexuals on my Asexualise channel since 2015.

I run 6 asexual groups on Facebook, including 3 for dating and 1 for making asexual friends.

12 years of personal and professional development training, from some of the world’s greatest thought-leaders.

Completed a weekend Life Coaching course with the Coaching Academy. Learnt the basics of NLP as part of that weekend and used it to change my life.

Got a certificate in Basic Counselling Skills at Exeter College.

Have taken courses to grow and develop my own life skills. And always continuously doing so.

Ever had counselling or therapy from someone who doesn’t have experience of what they are talking about and they make you feel worse? I know I have.

My coaching technique is modern, using both exploratory questions and giving advice and guidance that you can put into action immediately, to start seeing the results you need.

I charge £80 an hour for a one-to-one session over Zoom, including my prep time, and you will be required to fill in a set of questions in order for me to understand you and your situation, and help you in the best possible way.